Tag: Living

Day 5 – I am doing fine

Honestly, there is not much for me to talk about. Not because there have not been no challenges, but because a balance is taking place in my life. So sweet. With sweet I mean, that I have a commitment with myself, I am not letting myself go, I am being here for me to see the truth of this moment, see how it affects me, its consequence, and every moment I am learning something new. There for sure will be many more challenges, but majnor events are happening in my life. For example this morning I had a recording with a choir, and it has been the time I has sung the best in all my life. I was singing my truth for real in my sound while my own sound was supporting myself to set myself free, to be here and act and create and not lose or forget myself. To help others who are in trouble, to help them see they are here, to show them what this mean. I will face many challenges, but the most important step which is self-commitment I have already walked it. And I am glad I did this, it’s why I did it. It shouldn’t have taken me this longs, but I finally saw it and I am working each moment to have an inner balance. To not be against energy, but rather been one with it, expressing myself, while I have this view that I am not deceiving myself. If you focus in yourself, there is really no limit to how much you can see, you are the one deciding how commited you are to yourself, and therefore to others. I am enjoying talking with my own sound, because it’s been a long time. It’s just that I have missed it, there were apparently so many reasons to lose my sound that I thought it was worth it. And the truth, I knew it when I did it. I knew I was the one doing it, I remember seen it and this was the point I had to reveal to myself. If you lose yourself, it doesn’t matter where you search it, you will never find it.

Thanks to everybody, let’s not lose ourselves.

Day 2 – Working with what is real and being committed

Hi, I haven’t done self-forgiveness outloud, which is something I should have done. But honestly I have never being more of aware of my fear like I have been today. And that’s something to be recognized. I hope I have more chances of being aware of this because I want to overcome it, by breathing, being committed, and saying with my own sound what I want to say.

I was saying the vegetables I want to the guy at the supermarket. I had been all the day fine with no thoughts. But something got triggered in me when I had to talk to this man to say my vegetables. And it is what I feel with some people. Like the colapse of two world’s, like if two different worlds were crushing into each other. I recognize what this guy from the supermarket was feeling, he has a mind, he doesn’t know who he is, and he speaks the only way he thinks he knows how to speak. And I think there is something honourable in that, there is something to be recognized when someone even besides everything, it is there giving his two cents. And so, he talks, producing his own sound: Hi, what do you want?. And then I have to answer and lead this situación to introduce him to the vegetables I am interested in. And it is not simple situation as it may seem, because I know the moment I speak he is going to recognize my sound and it is going to resonate with him, he will know who I am in one moment and probably see himself reflected. This is what I am truly afraid of, this is what causes me the anxiety of preferring to fake my sound, or ‘half try’ to produce it and then result in anxiety and pain. But I mean, I no longer have a choice. I am who I am, I am aware of my breathing, because I am, and I am hoping I can improve interactions like this in the future, because I can’t live in two world’s, and I have made my decision to be committed to who I really am, because the rest is fake. As simple as that.

So I feel lighter now I really needed to make myself clear about this situation that happened to me today. It was a simple scenario, but my entire being was there, and I will keep working to make sure my mind does not take over.

So also, what I want to share is how the memory is stored in my body and my mind and I believe I have fear with absolutely no basis for it. The only basis for it is memory, associations, and a lack of clarity. And I want to live, so next time I will go deeper, I will explore who I am apart from memory, I will live the situation, I will live myself and create my own sound, and I hope this empowers me to realize that I am the one breathing inside myself, and this grants me the possibility of expressing myself in this life.

Bye!