Day 8 – Talk

Let me talk clearly, straight to you. Yourself is a place that you don’t sell, you don’t lie, you don’t manipulate, you don’t control, you don’t direct. This is if you want to live, like a tree lives, in the same joy. You choose what you want to dedicate your life to. I’ve lived very much, too much for my age, I’ve read a lot, I’ve applied many tools, I kind of started around 17 years old to take a look into spirituality, so it has been a long journey since then. And this is just what I have found, nothing.

When you think about nothing, keep in mind the following. If you are to choose this path, or in others words… If by chance you happen to see who you are and this path leads you to nothing, I am going to tell you what I think, which you probably already know (because it’s just here). Sometimes you may feel that you are giving up too much, or that you are losing something, I recognize this feeling of feeling like you are going to lose your life, the most precious life of you. But remember something, when you act in this world you act for yourself, and this is the proof to know that you will not lose yourself in the future. If you act honest now, the next moment you will be fine. So, don’t be afraid to follow yourself, fast, brave, and alone. Always wonder about why things exist the way they exist, keep that in mind because that is the way for a clear vision. Look for your own contradictions, the parts of you that seem to fit you… But in the end somehow doesn’t seem quite so. So, walk your path. Just walk it, and we will meet at the end of this path. Don’t be afraid of remainding yourself why you are doing it, because it is in here that you will find your purpose. But listen, the truth about life is that it exists without a purpose, it exists only for you to live it. So, support yourself with a reason to walk this process, remind yourself something so beautiful that you could not concibe, in a dream that you used to have when you were a child and dreamt alone about this life, and you soon lost something, but yet you reminded yourself this beauty, this fire, this image, something truly important for you. Remind this to yourself, and in the end, let go of it. It was just a dream, one that you created, it’s now gone. You are free to life your life, you. This is what gives purpose to your life, and this is why life exist, in a contradiction between two opposites. This is why. There is no why. This is how things are. You are free!

Day 2 – Working with what is real and being committed

Hi, I haven’t done self-forgiveness outloud, which is something I should have done. But honestly I have never being more of aware of my fear like I have been today. And that’s something to be recognized. I hope I have more chances of being aware of this because I want to overcome it, by breathing, being committed, and saying with my own sound what I want to say.

I was saying the vegetables I want to the guy at the supermarket. I had been all the day fine with no thoughts. But something got triggered in me when I had to talk to this man to say my vegetables. And it is what I feel with some people. Like the colapse of two world’s, like if two different worlds were crushing into each other. I recognize what this guy from the supermarket was feeling, he has a mind, he doesn’t know who he is, and he speaks the only way he thinks he knows how to speak. And I think there is something honourable in that, there is something to be recognized when someone even besides everything, it is there giving his two cents. And so, he talks, producing his own sound: Hi, what do you want?. And then I have to answer and lead this situación to introduce him to the vegetables I am interested in. And it is not simple situation as it may seem, because I know the moment I speak he is going to recognize my sound and it is going to resonate with him, he will know who I am in one moment and probably see himself reflected. This is what I am truly afraid of, this is what causes me the anxiety of preferring to fake my sound, or ‘half try’ to produce it and then result in anxiety and pain. But I mean, I no longer have a choice. I am who I am, I am aware of my breathing, because I am, and I am hoping I can improve interactions like this in the future, because I can’t live in two world’s, and I have made my decision to be committed to who I really am, because the rest is fake. As simple as that.

So I feel lighter now I really needed to make myself clear about this situation that happened to me today. It was a simple scenario, but my entire being was there, and I will keep working to make sure my mind does not take over.

So also, what I want to share is how the memory is stored in my body and my mind and I believe I have fear with absolutely no basis for it. The only basis for it is memory, associations, and a lack of clarity. And I want to live, so next time I will go deeper, I will explore who I am apart from memory, I will live the situation, I will live myself and create my own sound, and I hope this empowers me to realize that I am the one breathing inside myself, and this grants me the possibility of expressing myself in this life.

Bye!

Day 1 – How to be myself

Hi, this is my new blog. Thanks for joining me, I am starting something new in my life, and I am glad you want to be a part of it.

I want to write about what comes to my mind. I don’t know why I have never noticed that I don’t really need energy to exist. You know, before you notice you are already there, and you start getting further and further away from the truth. I don’t know if I would have realized this without Eqafe or Desteni I process. I don’t know why I haven’t been the one to say, hey, please, let’s look at what’s going on here. And that makes me feel bad, what is wrong with me? But I don’t have all the answers, I am just here, and I know that we as beings don’t need energy. Energy makes you feel energy and then you desire more and so on, it’s a cycle. I can’t tell you why I haven’t realized this by myself, it is hard for me, but I can tell you what I am doing it and how I am doing it.

You are there, yourself, you exist, and then you can enter this world of energy where you enter a polarity and you get further and further away from the truth. It’s all explained in Eqafe, I am just sharing what I am going through. So this energy is a hell in itself, because it takes you nowhere, literally, and that is not desirable, for anyone. And that itself is connected to the rest of this physical manifested world and money and etc.

So, I am choosing to stop the energy. Just to be myself, who I already am. In every part of me. I am realizing this now, since I haven’t been able to realize this before. I am supporting myself to simply stop all the reactions, and I already feel changed. I feel good, but good for real. It remembers me to when I was a child and I was just in the car watching through the window and just being there. I have missed that. I am committed to live my own life. I will get this done, and see what’s in there. Which in fact, it is just me. I have lost many time. And I want to somehow make things right by simply getting this done. Just done, and nothing more. I will have many challenges, I probably have a long way to go, since barely one or two days ago I was feeding all these energies. But I know what I am capable of, I know I am here, and I can understand myself and how I have to move myself within myself, I understand this in me so I have no more excuses.

It has been hard for me to accept that is possible, because sometimes I felt like it was too much, too much energy, too easy to be followed. But I have to recognize one quality I have. When I make mistakes, I try to see the entire truth of them. I may, in fact, make the mistake. But for one moment, I see what I cannot deny. I have always done that because I don’t like when things do not fit, things are made to fit and make sense together. So when I make mistakes, mistakes that I know I want to do, I always say to myself, hey look at what you are about to do and remember it.

And then I do it anyway (at least this is the way it has been), but I can’t deny what I saw for one moment, it sticks in me, for my own good. This is what makes sense for me, I just haven’t believed in myself. I don’t like this world, honestly, but I also see what this world can be. And first and foremost I have to be myself. So I am glad I am doing this, and I wish you the best aswell.